Reconstruction and Rebuilding

First and foremost, I truly have to apologize for it taking me a MONTH to post something new. Life has been pretty busy. My schedule is insane!!! Lol. But I do have to remember to take time out of my schedule to relax and get away from it all....so without further adieu...a NEW POST....

When you hear the words "reconstruct" or "rebuild"...what's the first thing that pops into your mind? Renovations right? Taking something that was once damage or not up to par and recreating and making it look good right?

Well for this particular post, I'm talking about the rebuilding and reconstruction of relationships. We've all have probably been through a situation where we've broken up/made up/broken up again with someone in our current or distant past relationship, or even some friendships or familial relationships that have been BURNED through unmentionable acts. All is not lost though. If you finding yourself wanting to rebuild, you are not stupid ( in some instance..you may just be TOTALLY CLUELESS, but I digress). In general, it means that you have a good heart, and you don't hold grudges. Also, it means that THAT individual is important in your life, and you are willing to give (whatever the case may be), another "go round" (as I would say.)  If you're trying to rebuild with either a partner, a best friend, or a family member, I think these tips may help with that process:

1.) The first step into the reconstruction stage is to FORGIVE. Notice I said, forgive....not forget. A lot of relationships can not be mended if you are constantly throwing the wrong that that person did in their face. No one wants to be reminded of how bad they hurt you, and I guarantee you will be at a stand still if you don't LET IT GO. No one is saying that you have to forget, because in some instance, the damage that was done was extreme or maybe even repeated, but learn how to forgive first before you can move on.Very important step! If you can't forgive, then move on to someone else. Simple!

2.) Make sure growth has been achieved on both parts. If you've broken up with your partner 3+ times, there is a pattern. If the relationship is worth holding on to and giving a second, third, or fourth chance, then MAKE sure that that person has grown and you have grown. Without growth, patterns will return, and you might as well forget the whole rebuilding process and start over with someone new...I'm just saying...at that point, you can DEFINITELY do better! *shrugs* 

3.) BE PATIENT! Things don't happen overnight. It will probably take some time to get back to where you once were with that person, but that is okay. Patience is key in the rebuilding process. You don't want to rush back into anything until you know that THAT person has changed...or even if you have changed ( all for the better of course). It may turn out that after 3 months of trying to rebuild, you don't even want to be with that person anymore, and decide to really go your separate ways. Or even that your best friend is still on the same shxt they were on when X, Y, and Z happened. Relationship wise, of course we want to rush back into what once made you happy again. Especially if it was a good relationship, but I'd be DAMNED, if I have to rebuild, reconstruct, renovate, fall in love ALL over again, just for you to leave me....AGAIN!!! Lol. It's a draining process. So be patient my young grasshoppers. :-)

4.) The usual...has GOT TO GO. Lol. When I say the usual, ladies you know what I'm talking about in terms of relationships. All he has to do is say the right things, do the right things, and POW, you're back head over heels again! Now listen, I'm not against the routine that made you fall in love with that person in the first place. It's just after awhile when you're doing the same ole two step or the tango, and then that person ends up leaving you again, that's devastating. And it starts to become predictable. The person has GOT TO BRING IT. Mix the usual up with something that they never thought that you would expect them to do. And it doesn't have to be a expensive trip over seas (although who wouldn't love that. lol), but just a series of things that indicates to that person that you are serious this time around. Which leads me to #5...

5.) It's ALL about ACTIONS!!!!! Actions speak louder than words! I know you are ALL familiar with that phrase. That person has got to prove themselves worthy to you. That they are ready for second, third, or fourth chance. That they have changed, grown, and is ready for a commitment, or just deserving of being in your life again. Words are nice as well, but if you can't back it up with action, than it really is a lost cost. 

and lastly...

6.) Keep unnecessary people out of your business. You will have those friends and/or family members that will try to judge you for the decision that you are currently making. A true support team is going to want to see you happy. So if Sally was your ride or die girl since 2nd grade and you miss her and want to be bff's again, then that's on you. That support team will support you, but at the same time, try to look out for you because they know Sally has done a lot of foul stuff in the past. Same with relationships, you will have that one friend  trying to tell you to leave him/her alone, and in some cases, you may just need to leave his/her ass alone ( but that's a whole other list of "reasons to leave someone alone" lol). But if it is something as minor as confusion, or that person just needed more time to grow, then there is nothing wrong with giving that relationship another try. Those who love you will be overprotective of you--that's a given. But also, those who love you want to see you happy, so if he/she makes you happy, then that's all that matters! Those who have something to say about it...well...they can exit your life stage left!

So there you have it...my tips for rebuilding and reconstruction. I tired to make the tips as broad as I could to cater to everyone's possible situation, but if you do have a specific question about your situation, please do not hesitate to leave a comment. I'm not love psychologist or love therapist, or even a relationship therapist so you don't have to take my advice. That's okay. Lol. I speak on this because what I've seen, heard, and experience.

Remember, don't come damaged house without your proper rebuilding tools: nails, wrenches, hammers, saws, dry wall, and or course....an open mind! :-)

Happy Rebuilding!!!

Musical Ecstasy

The title is EXACTLY how I feel about this damn song and mixtape in GENERAL!!! I've blogged about The Weeknd before. Let me make some corrections...this is NOT a group. This is a one man show! The person behind this musical drug is Abel Tesfaye. This 21-year old Toronto, ON (Canada) is effin incredible in my opinion. His second mixtape, Thursday, was released on Thursday, August 18th, 2011. (A coincidence...I think NOT..lol) This has been one of those CDs that has been in constant rotation for me. Me telling you about it isn't going to do it any justice, so download the mixtape here. My fav songs...."Thursday", "The Zone", "The Birds Part 1", "The Birds Part 2", "Rolling Stone", along with the one I'm featuring. 

Can someone hurry up and SIGN THIS THIS!!!
A TIP to men out there....you want to get it IN with you're boo thang...I recommend this mixtape...hell..maybe just this song! lol

Happy listening!!!

How Long is Patience?

Such an interesting question if you ask me, but a thought that has probably ran across your mind. Patience is an art I tell you. It's something I have struggled with all of my 20-something years of existence. It wasn't until my most recent relationship where I dealt with it head on. Since then, along with natural growth, it's something that I have been trying to work on in every aspect. Honestly, I've gotten SOO much better at it, but I do find myself asking just how long patience is. It seems like recently more than ever, my patience has been tested and not necessarily in a bad way. In one aspect, I find myself biting my tongue a lot because I don't want to come across too strong. So I've been finding myself just following the lead, because I'm such a bold, determined, impulsive person, I may just come across TOO much, but in essence, I'm not...I'm just a very passionate person that knows what and who I want. Lol. In another aspect, I find myself playing the waiting game. Doing everything that I can do on my part, and leaving my fate in the hands of a group of people. *crosses fingers* :-)

So...is there really a time limit on patience? I'd would have to say yes AND no...depending on the situation that you may be in. If you're patiently waiting for a job...no...there are NO time limit on that. If you're waiting for your significant other to change for the better...YES...there IS a time limit on that. So it varies, it all depends on what you can or cannot tolerate and where patience falls in with that. 

Here's the thing though, you CANNOT complain about patience if you're not doing your part in the first place. There is soo many people out there complaining about their situations...."Ugh I need a new job...I need to graduate...I need a boo...I need a car...I need to get my life together...I need more money...."etc. You honestly and sincerely have to LOOK inside and ask yourself, what am I REALLY doing to help myself get to where I'm trying to go. Seriously....there is NO PROGRESSION with out actions. You can try, but I guarantee you will be at a standstill. This doesn't go for EVERYTHING when it comes to patience, but for most..it does. I'm talking about the things that truly matter!

I pose the question again...how long is patience? Well, it's simple...how long are you willing to wait for the things you really want after you've done your part?

One thing I will advise for ANY one who may be losing their patience...PRAY!!! I can't recommend that enough, because it works! I'm not going to get TOO religious on you, but most of the situations that we are in is God testing how patient we are, and if we will stay faithful and consistent in prayer praying out the things that we want to leave in his hands. 

Think about it....

FACELIFT

You didn't think that you would be hearing from me soo soon did ya! Well.. SURPRISE! :-) But only momentarily. I know this is suppose to be a place where I'm purely just expressing my thoughts and such, but I wanted to jazz up my blog. So what do you get when you're NOT sleepy, a headache, and a desire for something different....A BLOG FACE LIFT!!! After 5 months of spreading randomness, it was time for a change! Do you like the new background and colors? Yeah, I was trying to be as creative as I could. It's time to express the inner artist in me :-) This is just the first step of  "newness" for the blog site.

There's more to come...

Ciao!!!! :-)

A Quick Hello

Hello guys and dolls! I wanted to apologize for my lack of randomness. A LOT has been going on within these past couple of weeks. I'll be back to my normal randomness when things start to calm down in my world. Wish
I could reveal all that's going on, but you'll just have to wait and see ( and if I decide I want to share :-) )

Anyhoo, new posts will be coming soon. I have new music (as always) that I would like to share, a long with what my "claim in fame" on this blog site is all about---my RANDOMNESS. Lol. As well as topics that may be of interest you to. I also want to start doing some fashion posts because I haven 't since I started this blog. So please pardon this brief absence. Life is busy, but I just wanted to make sure that all my readers are alive, kicking, and healthy! :-)

I hope you guys are enjoying this last bit of August. Fall is almost here, and I'm ELATED about that (my favorite season). Which means, it's time for hoodies, UGGS, boots, booties, you NAME IT....lol.

Alright lovers....enjoy the rest of your summer and I promise I'll be back soon with the post!

HUGS AND KISSES TO YOU ALL!!!

-Mel B

Nevermind I'll Find Someone Like You

I love Adele! Some of my random thoughts I posted yesterday I quoted from this very song. Love it!

Back To School--College Edition

Well, it's almost that time again. Back to School season is approaching vastly. Some are already hip to the back to school routine, and some are going into their first year of college. *tear, tear* Well, I had something that I wanted to share with the new and returning students.

First and foremost, and the MOST important thing, is to make the ABSOLUTE MOST out of your college experience! I'm two years out of college, and I'd have to honestly say that college was such a major highlight in the 20 something years that I've been on this earth. I had such a great experience! I meet a lot of lifetime friends. Friends that will probably be the bridesmaids in the my wedding. I even met the person I thought I was going to marry. Lol. Hey, we still may get married, but I'm going to leave that up to God if it's meant to be. Anywho, I definitely encourage you to balance academics and social life. My freshman year, I did have fun, but I was always in my room. (Biology major...uh...HELLO....lol). And parts of me regret being in my room all the time. But in my preceding years, I vowed that I wouldn't be that nerd who couldn't balance having fun and being focused on her school work--so I became a cool nerd! So my sophomore all the way until my senior year...I made sure to have a ball! And I sure did! Going to school in Atlanta didn't help much with maintaining focus, but I did it! lol

Secondly, make sure you remember the reason why you came to school. Whether you chose to go away, or to stay close to home but live on campus, PLEASE do not lose sight of your education. I can't tell you how many people I saw come in my year and ended up dropping out or flunking out because they were soo concerned with partying and forgetting that they paid ALL this money to handle business with their education. I can't say that I was the scholarly student in high school. I was a solid B student, but I tell you, when I got to college, I handled business, and C's were OUT the question for me (although I do have a few of those on my transcript...but all the A's counteract those C's *nerd smile*) . You have to remember that your parents sent you away in hopes of you obtaining your Bachelor's degree. And you also have to remember that you do have this new freedom and you're not going to have any one telling you that you need to go to class or do your homework. You HAVE to stay on top of it!

Thirdly, refund checks are AMAZING, but word of advise, DO NOT blow your refund thinking you're big money now! Lol. I've known soo many to "ball" so hard on loan money. You know that you DO have to pay that back later in life right? So be responsible with it and don't blow it all in one place. Oh, you really wanted that $700 Louis V bag? It really is just pointless. Instead, be responsible with that money. I never had a job within the 4 years I was in college, so my refund check I used as a means of survival and it always lasted me until the next semester and then some while getting another check. So I'd recommend you doing the same. Buy the essentials like groceries, toiletries, pay for books, and treat yourself occasionally. But don't BLOW it. Trust me, you'll need that money. Lol. If you can, and this is what I wish I did, keep that money in a savings account, so when it comes time for "loan repayment", you can give it right back to Sallie Mae or to whatever lender you got your loan from.

I encourage you OHH SO GREATLY, to get help in a class that you may be struggling with and to form study groups. I CANNOT tell you how much study groups and asking for help has HELPED me. I had my trouble courses, and without asking for help, devoting my all into the course, and having others to help, I would probably still be trying to obtain my degree...REAL TALK. My last semester, I had this one trouble class (Intro to BioChemistry....yikes! And it was harder because it was the one semester course.). It was partly my fault in why it was so troublesome because I was having a major case of senioritis. Once midterms kicked in and I saw that I was barely passing, I had to get on it! This could NOT be the class that was going to keep me from graduating. (In fact, that WAS that only class that would of kept me back...I had A's in all my other ones). So I worked my ass off like no other. The results, well, I am sitting here giving you guys tips and advice right? :-)

Well, last but not least ( I don't want to babble on too long with this...lol), surround yourself with positive people and be careful of the people who you call friends. Don't do anything in college that would make your family very disappointed in you. I'm not talking about failing a class, because it happens. I'm more so talking about the things that compromise your morals and standards. Be careful who you make your boyfriend and or "boo thang". Please do NOT get caught up in girl and boy drama. Don't allow "relationships" to steer your focus away from your work. It's all about balance and time management.

Overall readers, I just want you to have a BOMB time in college. It really will be memories that you will NEVER forget. For those that are returning, continue to make the best out of this collegiate experience and take heed to some advice if it struck a nerve or made sense to you. The newbies....awww...I can't stop saying that. I remember when my family dropped me off at school. For 18 years I couldn't WAIT to get out the house, and when I finally got down there, I cried. Lol. I didn't want my mother to leave me. Talk about confused. Lol. But I do not regret ONE THING about the experiences I've had there, because everything there made me everything that I am today! So enjoy it, because after college, you have the REAL WORLD, and that's filled with BILLS, the pressure to start your career, the confusion with figuring out what exactly you want to do, and maybe the disappearance and growing apart of individuals you thought were your friends. But no worries about that now young ones. :-). Handle business!

Enjoy these moments...you can't get them back!