When you hear the words "reconstruct" or "rebuild"...what's the first thing that pops into your mind? Renovations right? Taking something that was once damage or not up to par and recreating and making it look good right?Well for this particular post, I'm talking about the rebuilding and reconstruction of relationships. We've all have probably been through a situation where we've broken up/made up/broken up again with someone in our current or distant past relationship, or even some friendships or familial relationships that have been BURNED through unmentionable acts. All is not lost though. If you finding yourself wanting to rebuild, you are not stupid ( in some instance..you may just be TOTALLY CLUELESS, but I digress). In general, it means that you have a good heart, and you don't hold grudges. Also, it means that THAT individual is important in your life, and you are willing to give (whatever the case may be), another "go round" (as I would say.) If you're trying to rebuild with either a partner, a best friend, or a family member, I think these tips may help with that process:
1.) The first step into the reconstruction stage is to FORGIVE. Notice I said, forgive....not forget. A lot of relationships can not be mended if you are constantly throwing the wrong that that person did in their face. No one wants to be reminded of how bad they hurt you, and I guarantee you will be at a stand still if you don't LET IT GO. No one is saying that you have to forget, because in some instance, the damage that was done was extreme or maybe even repeated, but learn how to forgive first before you can move on.Very important step! If you can't forgive, then move on to someone else. Simple!
2.) Make sure growth has been achieved on both parts. If you've broken up with your partner 3+ times, there is a pattern. If the relationship is worth holding on to and giving a second, third, or fourth chance, then MAKE sure that that person has grown and you have grown. Without growth, patterns will return, and you might as well forget the whole rebuilding process and start over with someone new...I'm just saying...at that point, you can DEFINITELY do better! *shrugs*
3.) BE PATIENT! Things don't happen overnight. It will probably take some time to get back to where you once were with that person, but that is okay. Patience is key in the rebuilding process. You don't want to rush back into anything until you know that THAT person has changed...or even if you have changed ( all for the better of course). It may turn out that after 3 months of trying to rebuild, you don't even want to be with that person anymore, and decide to really go your separate ways. Or even that your best friend is still on the same shxt they were on when X, Y, and Z happened. Relationship wise, of course we want to rush back into what once made you happy again. Especially if it was a good relationship, but I'd be DAMNED, if I have to rebuild, reconstruct, renovate, fall in love ALL over again, just for you to leave me....AGAIN!!! Lol. It's a draining process. So be patient my young grasshoppers. :-)
4.) The usual...has GOT TO GO. Lol. When I say the usual, ladies you know what I'm talking about in terms of relationships. All he has to do is say the right things, do the right things, and POW, you're back head over heels again! Now listen, I'm not against the routine that made you fall in love with that person in the first place. It's just after awhile when you're doing the same ole two step or the tango, and then that person ends up leaving you again, that's devastating. And it starts to become predictable. The person has GOT TO BRING IT. Mix the usual up with something that they never thought that you would expect them to do. And it doesn't have to be a expensive trip over seas (although who wouldn't love that. lol), but just a series of things that indicates to that person that you are serious this time around. Which leads me to #5...
5.) It's ALL about ACTIONS!!!!! Actions speak louder than words! I know you are ALL familiar with that phrase. That person has got to prove themselves worthy to you. That they are ready for second, third, or fourth chance. That they have changed, grown, and is ready for a commitment, or just deserving of being in your life again. Words are nice as well, but if you can't back it up with action, than it really is a lost cost.
and lastly...
6.) Keep unnecessary people out of your business. You will have those friends and/or family members that will try to judge you for the decision that you are currently making. A true support team is going to want to see you happy. So if Sally was your ride or die girl since 2nd grade and you miss her and want to be bff's again, then that's on you. That support team will support you, but at the same time, try to look out for you because they know Sally has done a lot of foul stuff in the past. Same with relationships, you will have that one friend trying to tell you to leave him/her alone, and in some cases, you may just need to leave his/her ass alone ( but that's a whole other list of "reasons to leave someone alone" lol). But if it is something as minor as confusion, or that person just needed more time to grow, then there is nothing wrong with giving that relationship another try. Those who love you will be overprotective of you--that's a given. But also, those who love you want to see you happy, so if he/she makes you happy, then that's all that matters! Those who have something to say about it...well...they can exit your life stage left!
So there you have it...my tips for rebuilding and reconstruction. I tired to make the tips as broad as I could to cater to everyone's possible situation, but if you do have a specific question about your situation, please do not hesitate to leave a comment. I'm not love psychologist or love therapist, or even a relationship therapist so you don't have to take my advice. That's okay. Lol. I speak on this because what I've seen, heard, and experience.
Remember, don't come damaged house without your proper rebuilding tools: nails, wrenches, hammers, saws, dry wall, and or course....an open mind! :-)
Happy Rebuilding!!!
