Lessons of The Week 01.11.2012

So, I am going to attempt to add a new component to my blog called "Lessons of The Week". I just thought of it like 2 mins ago. Lol. But seriously, I learn a lot everyday, and I figured I'd document the lessons that I have learned every week. Now, I can't guarantee it will be a WEEKLY thing because I am a busy woman, BUT I shall try my hardest.

So...here goes....

1.) Being Stubborn Gets You Know Where. 

I've learned this for quite some time now, but it's been more predominant throughout these past couple of weeks.  I can be honest and say that I can be and have been hard headed in the past. It's the least of my worries out of the flaws that I do have, but it's something that I continual try to learn from. You have to learn how to pick and choose your battles. There isn't anything wrong with standing your ground and being stuck in your ways, but you have to learn how to compromise. And if your THAT stubborn that you can't even do that...agree to disagree and keep it moving.

2.) Growth and Maturity Takes You a Long Way


I actually had a conversation today with someone that I use to be really good friends with years ago. And it felt good being able to talk to them. I'v had my reservations about them at first when they first initially contacted me, because I still had the mindset that they were the same person I knew years ago. I had to realize that people do change. And although I do not have to be buddy/buddy with them, I can carry on a conversation, have some laughs, but just be cautious.When I think back on it now, we stopped talking for some stupid reasons. Mainly because I think they were following a lead of another person. It's just nice to see how someone has grown and matured. Including myself in the situation. There was a moment in time where I really could have cared less whether I talked to individuals that I've cut out of my life every again. Although there are still some people that I still do feel that way about, I have gotten to the point where I can forgive, but not necessarily forget, and keep it moving.

3.) Everyone Has Their Own Breaking Point...


I found myself making a hard emotional decision last week, but it had to be done. The type of personality that I have is that I am a forgiving person (maybe too forgiving at times apparently). I have a big heart, and I will do ANYTHING for the people that I love. I'm a fighter. A fighter of friendship....a fighter for family....a fighter of love. But sometimes, you get to a point where you are tired of fighting based on how that person is treating you. I got tired of a certain individual making me feel like I was the scum of the Earth. (sounds a bit dramatic right? Trust me...this phrase suits them EXACTLY). Just making me feel like I was this horrible person. And I'm far from that. It got disappointing when I thought of  all the things that I put up with and tolerated, and now as soon as I act human, and maybe even crossed the line a little, it's the point of no return. And it's really unfair in my opinion. With this specific situation, you CANNOT make someone see something when they are hell bent on what they choose to focus on. It's literally like fighting/talking to a brick wall--you will get NO WHERE and all that energy has now been wasted. It's really sad and unfortunate. I even caught myself this morning waking up in disbelief, like "You REALLY can't be serious about this...SERIOUSLY". Lol. And I felt crazy at first because this is EXACTLY what I was saying to myself out loud. And I'm still in disbelief, but I honestly can't have someone in my life that will sit there and judge me and not FOCUS on WHO I AM and WHAT I'VE DONE even past the situation. I just don't get that...but I digress. Don't get me wrong, this person isn't the devil or anything. Lol. I don't hate them, and I still love them. They were pretty awesome to me. I say that they WERE instead of IS because it feels like I don't even know who they are anymore. I will miss that person's presence in my life, the friendship, and the person who I thought they were, but they have showed me that the things that I have done and tolerated from them was all in vain, and it honestly makes me feel stupid and dumb for even putting up with all that I did. But hey...you live and you learn right?

4.) No Matter How Alone I May Feel...I'm Never Alone.

Over the past week I've had some great conversations with a few of my close female friends. It's just empowering to me to see/hear about their struggle, their growth and strength. It's just confirmation that I'm not alone in this thing we call life, and like me, they go through or HAVE gone through the same things that I have. It's one thing when adults like your own mother, aunt, or grandmother try to give you life advice about things based on their experiences...which isn't a problem at all because they have been there done that and who better to get advice from someone who has years of experience hurt, pain, happiness,etc. It just means more to me when I hear the same exact things from my friends, because I know that I am not the only person going through it. I know I'm always saying this to you all ( my friends that is), but never forget how much I truly appreciate you all!!!!! I can't say that enough! :-)

Well, there you have it. Some thing that I have learned from the weeks leading up to today. I hope you can take something out of this. Even if you can't, I still appreciate you guys taking the time out to read.

The Realest Post I Ever Wrote-Happy 2012

This post is brought to you by this beautiful view of the Pacific Ocean that I am currently admiring from my hotel room window. :-) I havent been the best blogger in the year 2011 (with very good excuses might I add), but in 2012 I will definitely try my hardest to at least blog once a week. Keyword...TRY!!!!!! Moving on though, my aunt keeps telling me that this is my year when it comes to academics, professional, etc. While I do believe her, I just wanted to step back, think, and express myself a little. 2011 has been a crazy year. Definitely one of my hardest working years and I have to say that I am extremely proud of myself. Although I've had a great year as far as determination and ambition, I haven't been the best person that I could be. Like you all, I am a work in progress. I'm not perfect. No one is. This may be a bold thing to say, but I'm starting to think that people would like to focus on all your negatives then focus on your positives. And that's sad. In a world of imperfections, I do not think that people have a right to judge you based on the things that you do, when they should look in the mirror themselves.

I'm starting to realize that not everyone is for you. Although they say that they will always be in your corner, love you, etc., with some, thats far from the truth. That they would rather see you suffer in a time of need, then put differences aside to help you. I have to say that THAT's the most selfish thing you can do. Things happen, whether it was provoked, accidentally, etc. And ppl make mistakes. But why must they be constantly reminded by the wrong that they have done and be treated so cold? I've done some effed up things in 2011. Really just 1 thing...but I don't deserve to be treated inhumanely no matter what. Well, there are some acceptable actions that can result to one being treated like sh*t, but I digress.... Point is, everyone who truly knows me would agree.


Spending my 1st of the New Year physically sick and emotionally drained was a turning point for me. No one likes to be sick on vacay. That's the worst thing ever. And one wants to feel alone. I was able to sit back and reflect on ALL 365 days of 2011. Every positive and every negative. At the end of the day, all I can say that 2011 was the year of strength ( testing of strength). They were and still are alot of lessons to be learned even past 2011, but I have definetely learned alot. Being able to get away and be miles away from home really can clear your head, and although my head isn't completely clear ( because I'm still congested lol), I had my time to think and reflect on life. I want go leave 2011 behind and focus on what's ahead.

To my close friends, I thank you for all that you do and continue to do for me. Whether we speak everyday or every few weeks, I thank you for always being there in some shape or form. To my family, no words needed. My actions speak so much louder then what words can describe. To those individuals that I have hurt of offended along the way in 2011, I do apologize for crossing lines and for my short comings.

I look forward to all that 2012 has to offer. The new people that enter my life, the strengthen of friendships and relationships, the new adventures, and just enjoying life period. Those who chose not to accompany me on my journey, that's your decision and I wish you nothing but the best in all that you do. I believe that everything happens for a reason. What that reason is, I have no idea. But I do know that everything in life is a lesson.

I know that I am going places in life. I may stumble on the way, but at the end of the day, God has my back and is looking out for me. I hold no negative feelings towards ANYONE as I embark in this new year and new journey. All I can do is look forward. I said all that I could say and had to say. If people still want to be consumed in what I have done or havent done, then......?????

A special birthday shout out to two amazing women....my friend Leslie and Arika!!!!!!! I hope you guys enjoy your big days and ask that God continues to bless you both!!!!! Xoxoxox

Another SHOUTOUT to my bestie who got engaged on NYE and I was there to witness it. Love is a beautiful thing and to be apart of something as precious as an engagement brought tears to my eyes. I'm sooo proud of you and I see great things happening for the both of you. Congrats!!!

To the person trying to sell or break the code to get into my lost phone....good luck!!! Mad I lost all 300 and something of my pictures but there's no point in crying over spilled milk. New phone is on it's waaaayyyyy :-)

To my future....I'm ready for ya *Drake voice* :-)

Last day of vacay...going out with a bang.....

HAPPY 2012!!!!!!!

-Mel

'Tis The Season To Be Thankful

I know, I know...I've been REALLY bad at keeping up with my blogging, but those who know me best can understand exactly why. It's almost been 2 months since I last posted something. I know...a SHAME! lol. Just be patient with me guys. :-)

Anywho, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays (besides Christmas and my birthday :-)). Primarily because I'm just greedy and I LOOVVEEE food. But besides the food, I love when I can get together with my family, share laughs, create new memories, and watch football!!! With Thanksgiving being 4 days away, I just wanted to share some of the things that I am thankful for. So here goes:

1. I'm thankful for a God that NEVER quits. 

2. I'm thankful for oxygen flowing through my lungs, food in my stomach, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, a warm house, and my comfy bed :-)

3. Although my job annoys me at times, I'm thankful that I have one and the doors that it has open for me thus far. 

4. I'm thankful for a great support system that consists of my family and friends. <3

5. I'm thankful for my 5 senses. They all might not work to full capacity, but I'm still thankful for them! A lot of people take there's for granted.

6. I'm thankful for understanding friends. I know that I may not talk to some of you ALL the time and months will go by without us speaking verbally, but when we finally do talk or get together, we never miss a beat! So I'm extremely grateful for my REAL friends out there who are understanding of life,  appreciate my efforts of keeping the love alive from a distance whether it's a text, tweet, fb message, Skype, pigeons, 20 sec phone calls, four page letters, etc (*smiles* lol) and do not get offended when we don't speak. Mel loves you all long time!!! lol

7. I'm thankful for growth...evolution...change! 

8. I'm thankful for good music! Can't say I would still be sane without it! lol

9. I'm thankful for having the means to travel. This year alone I was able to travel a lot. The year isn't over yet! ;-)

10. I'm thankful for my Lovie!!!! <3

11. I'm thankful for this semester almost being over!!! Love the class, but I need a BREAK!! lol

12. I'm thankful for my readers. Those who take the time out of their day to stop by and read. And if you don't read, that's okay. I'm just thankful that you stopped by ;-)

13. I'm thankful for new friendships. This one goes out to you soulmate! :-) <3

13. I'm thankful for an open mind. 

14. I'm thankful for the Discovery Fit and Health and Investigation Discovery Channels. They maintain my sanity as well. Lol

15. I'm thankful for how I was raised growing up. I admire my drive, determination, optimism, my goals, etc. I know that I am going places in life. And I won't stop until I get there. :-)

So there you have it. Just some of the things I am thankful for. I could break it down even more, but that's not necessary. Lol. I'm honestly thankful for EVERYTHING. Life itself. If you haven't already, take the time and reflect about the people, places, or things that you are grateful for. What are you thankful for?

Be safe and have a HAPPY TURKEY DAY GUYS!!!! Gobble Gobble!!!

Reconstruction and Rebuilding

First and foremost, I truly have to apologize for it taking me a MONTH to post something new. Life has been pretty busy. My schedule is insane!!! Lol. But I do have to remember to take time out of my schedule to relax and get away from it all....so without further adieu...a NEW POST....

When you hear the words "reconstruct" or "rebuild"...what's the first thing that pops into your mind? Renovations right? Taking something that was once damage or not up to par and recreating and making it look good right?

Well for this particular post, I'm talking about the rebuilding and reconstruction of relationships. We've all have probably been through a situation where we've broken up/made up/broken up again with someone in our current or distant past relationship, or even some friendships or familial relationships that have been BURNED through unmentionable acts. All is not lost though. If you finding yourself wanting to rebuild, you are not stupid ( in some instance..you may just be TOTALLY CLUELESS, but I digress). In general, it means that you have a good heart, and you don't hold grudges. Also, it means that THAT individual is important in your life, and you are willing to give (whatever the case may be), another "go round" (as I would say.)  If you're trying to rebuild with either a partner, a best friend, or a family member, I think these tips may help with that process:

1.) The first step into the reconstruction stage is to FORGIVE. Notice I said, forgive....not forget. A lot of relationships can not be mended if you are constantly throwing the wrong that that person did in their face. No one wants to be reminded of how bad they hurt you, and I guarantee you will be at a stand still if you don't LET IT GO. No one is saying that you have to forget, because in some instance, the damage that was done was extreme or maybe even repeated, but learn how to forgive first before you can move on.Very important step! If you can't forgive, then move on to someone else. Simple!

2.) Make sure growth has been achieved on both parts. If you've broken up with your partner 3+ times, there is a pattern. If the relationship is worth holding on to and giving a second, third, or fourth chance, then MAKE sure that that person has grown and you have grown. Without growth, patterns will return, and you might as well forget the whole rebuilding process and start over with someone new...I'm just saying...at that point, you can DEFINITELY do better! *shrugs* 

3.) BE PATIENT! Things don't happen overnight. It will probably take some time to get back to where you once were with that person, but that is okay. Patience is key in the rebuilding process. You don't want to rush back into anything until you know that THAT person has changed...or even if you have changed ( all for the better of course). It may turn out that after 3 months of trying to rebuild, you don't even want to be with that person anymore, and decide to really go your separate ways. Or even that your best friend is still on the same shxt they were on when X, Y, and Z happened. Relationship wise, of course we want to rush back into what once made you happy again. Especially if it was a good relationship, but I'd be DAMNED, if I have to rebuild, reconstruct, renovate, fall in love ALL over again, just for you to leave me....AGAIN!!! Lol. It's a draining process. So be patient my young grasshoppers. :-)

4.) The usual...has GOT TO GO. Lol. When I say the usual, ladies you know what I'm talking about in terms of relationships. All he has to do is say the right things, do the right things, and POW, you're back head over heels again! Now listen, I'm not against the routine that made you fall in love with that person in the first place. It's just after awhile when you're doing the same ole two step or the tango, and then that person ends up leaving you again, that's devastating. And it starts to become predictable. The person has GOT TO BRING IT. Mix the usual up with something that they never thought that you would expect them to do. And it doesn't have to be a expensive trip over seas (although who wouldn't love that. lol), but just a series of things that indicates to that person that you are serious this time around. Which leads me to #5...

5.) It's ALL about ACTIONS!!!!! Actions speak louder than words! I know you are ALL familiar with that phrase. That person has got to prove themselves worthy to you. That they are ready for second, third, or fourth chance. That they have changed, grown, and is ready for a commitment, or just deserving of being in your life again. Words are nice as well, but if you can't back it up with action, than it really is a lost cost. 

and lastly...

6.) Keep unnecessary people out of your business. You will have those friends and/or family members that will try to judge you for the decision that you are currently making. A true support team is going to want to see you happy. So if Sally was your ride or die girl since 2nd grade and you miss her and want to be bff's again, then that's on you. That support team will support you, but at the same time, try to look out for you because they know Sally has done a lot of foul stuff in the past. Same with relationships, you will have that one friend  trying to tell you to leave him/her alone, and in some cases, you may just need to leave his/her ass alone ( but that's a whole other list of "reasons to leave someone alone" lol). But if it is something as minor as confusion, or that person just needed more time to grow, then there is nothing wrong with giving that relationship another try. Those who love you will be overprotective of you--that's a given. But also, those who love you want to see you happy, so if he/she makes you happy, then that's all that matters! Those who have something to say about it...well...they can exit your life stage left!

So there you have it...my tips for rebuilding and reconstruction. I tired to make the tips as broad as I could to cater to everyone's possible situation, but if you do have a specific question about your situation, please do not hesitate to leave a comment. I'm not love psychologist or love therapist, or even a relationship therapist so you don't have to take my advice. That's okay. Lol. I speak on this because what I've seen, heard, and experience.

Remember, don't come damaged house without your proper rebuilding tools: nails, wrenches, hammers, saws, dry wall, and or course....an open mind! :-)

Happy Rebuilding!!!

Musical Ecstasy

The title is EXACTLY how I feel about this damn song and mixtape in GENERAL!!! I've blogged about The Weeknd before. Let me make some corrections...this is NOT a group. This is a one man show! The person behind this musical drug is Abel Tesfaye. This 21-year old Toronto, ON (Canada) is effin incredible in my opinion. His second mixtape, Thursday, was released on Thursday, August 18th, 2011. (A coincidence...I think NOT..lol) This has been one of those CDs that has been in constant rotation for me. Me telling you about it isn't going to do it any justice, so download the mixtape here. My fav songs...."Thursday", "The Zone", "The Birds Part 1", "The Birds Part 2", "Rolling Stone", along with the one I'm featuring. 

Can someone hurry up and SIGN THIS THIS!!!
A TIP to men out there....you want to get it IN with you're boo thang...I recommend this mixtape...hell..maybe just this song! lol

Happy listening!!!

How Long is Patience?

Such an interesting question if you ask me, but a thought that has probably ran across your mind. Patience is an art I tell you. It's something I have struggled with all of my 20-something years of existence. It wasn't until my most recent relationship where I dealt with it head on. Since then, along with natural growth, it's something that I have been trying to work on in every aspect. Honestly, I've gotten SOO much better at it, but I do find myself asking just how long patience is. It seems like recently more than ever, my patience has been tested and not necessarily in a bad way. In one aspect, I find myself biting my tongue a lot because I don't want to come across too strong. So I've been finding myself just following the lead, because I'm such a bold, determined, impulsive person, I may just come across TOO much, but in essence, I'm not...I'm just a very passionate person that knows what and who I want. Lol. In another aspect, I find myself playing the waiting game. Doing everything that I can do on my part, and leaving my fate in the hands of a group of people. *crosses fingers* :-)

So...is there really a time limit on patience? I'd would have to say yes AND no...depending on the situation that you may be in. If you're patiently waiting for a job...no...there are NO time limit on that. If you're waiting for your significant other to change for the better...YES...there IS a time limit on that. So it varies, it all depends on what you can or cannot tolerate and where patience falls in with that. 

Here's the thing though, you CANNOT complain about patience if you're not doing your part in the first place. There is soo many people out there complaining about their situations...."Ugh I need a new job...I need to graduate...I need a boo...I need a car...I need to get my life together...I need more money...."etc. You honestly and sincerely have to LOOK inside and ask yourself, what am I REALLY doing to help myself get to where I'm trying to go. Seriously....there is NO PROGRESSION with out actions. You can try, but I guarantee you will be at a standstill. This doesn't go for EVERYTHING when it comes to patience, but for most..it does. I'm talking about the things that truly matter!

I pose the question again...how long is patience? Well, it's simple...how long are you willing to wait for the things you really want after you've done your part?

One thing I will advise for ANY one who may be losing their patience...PRAY!!! I can't recommend that enough, because it works! I'm not going to get TOO religious on you, but most of the situations that we are in is God testing how patient we are, and if we will stay faithful and consistent in prayer praying out the things that we want to leave in his hands. 

Think about it....

FACELIFT

You didn't think that you would be hearing from me soo soon did ya! Well.. SURPRISE! :-) But only momentarily. I know this is suppose to be a place where I'm purely just expressing my thoughts and such, but I wanted to jazz up my blog. So what do you get when you're NOT sleepy, a headache, and a desire for something different....A BLOG FACE LIFT!!! After 5 months of spreading randomness, it was time for a change! Do you like the new background and colors? Yeah, I was trying to be as creative as I could. It's time to express the inner artist in me :-) This is just the first step of  "newness" for the blog site.

There's more to come...

Ciao!!!! :-)