Letting Go

I was sparked to write this blog by reading a fellow's bloggers blog (The Coach) and a combo of listening to Frank Ocean's "We All Try." Thanks for venting, because this is something that I've wanted to speak about for quite some time now. Doesn't matter if you're a guy or girl, old or young, we've all been through periods of our lives where we had to let go. Whether it was by choice or not by choice.

Letting go is the hardest thing to do, and there's no correct way to let go. It all depends on who are you and how your mind works in my opinion. Ladies, you ever wonder why it so easy for guys to let go, but for us, we tend to hold on for dear life? Or why it seems so easy for a guy to jump into another relationship or entertain another woman, when you're left trying to pick up the pieces and trying not to stroll down memory lane mentally? Sounds familiar doesn't it? I wish I knew the answer to this myself, but I don't. I think it's even more confusing when you've been in a relationship with someone for soo long...YEARS maybe...you've guys fell in love with each other, had you're share of ups and downs, trials and tribulations, etc, and when the relationship seems to end unexpectedly, one party (whether it's the male or female) wants to "ERASE" you and act like you never existed. I'd have to say that THAT's the most HURTFUL thing ever--especially when you didn't do ANYTHING, but I guess this goes to show one of two things...1.) The guy/girl is REALLY immature....or 2.) That is their way of dealing with the break-up. AND, there is a third possibly option....3.) One person (or maybe both) did some really mean and shady things that's honestly not deserving of being apart of your life in ANY WAY.

I've come to the conclusion that men well never understand women, and women will never understand men. Especially when it comes to our differences of how we handle letting go. And don't get me wrong, women can let go swiftly just as fast as men seem to do, and men and hold on just as long as women can. So lets not make this one-sided.

So you're probably asking, well Mel, HOW do you let go? Where do you begin? In all honesty, I can't just give one straight answer. This is coming for the woman YEARS ago that got over another guy by basically falling for the next guy who popped up and had an interest in. (Basically it took a new "boo thang" for me to forget about the "old thang". Not just ANY boo thang tho...he had to be better than the old thang lol.) Fortunately, with experiences comes growth, and I'm not that way anymore, but even with experiences I can't say that I have mastered the art of knowing how to let go. Like I stated earlier, it's a tough thing to do, especially when you were REALLY in love with the person. But what I will tell you, that no matter what your particular situation is, ACCEPTANCE, STRENGTH, PATIENCE, and TIME play a huge factor. I personally know someone very close to me that was in COMMITTED relationship for 7 YEARS--basically marriage bound. Seven year relationship down the drain. Three years later, she says that she's over the guy. She's dated a guy or two, but personally in my opinion, I honestly don't fee like she's truly over him. Come on now...7 YEARS! Maybe that's just me, but I think I'd be some type of messed up breaking up from that type of long term relationship. Then again, you can't say what you'd do or how you'd feel until you experience it.

Take the time to focus on your self and what you truly want and desire in life. Maybe you lost yourself in that relationship and have to find out who you are. For those individuals that already know who they are and know what they want, STILL continue to focus on yourself. Also, never question the type of man/woman you are because your ex-significant other doesn't realize what a treasure you are. (Assuming that you didn't cause major problems in the relationship like unnecessary drama, cheating, etc. Minor flaws are different). If you know that you gave your blood, sweat, and tears in the relationship and was the best you could be for them and put in 110% effort and loved and gave unselfishly, excuse my language but {*cesonsored*} him/her! Seriously! Easier said then done in some cases, (I know) but you have to know your self worth and cannot allow yourself to hang on to someone who never appreciated you. Simple! Who build you up on lies. Brought you up only to bring you down. You HAVE to know that you don't deserve that!

The beauty about break ups is that it gives you a time to sit back and reflect. Hurt, cry, be angrt, smile, think, etc. All an experience that will help you for the person that is deserving of you. Like I stated before, I don't have all the answers, nor have I ever been able to master the craft of letting go but the one thing  I do know that if it doesn't kill you, it will only make you stronger. All I know that when you find that one man or lady that sweeps you off your feet, letting go won't even be an issue anymore, but it's seriously hard to ALSO let go of that SAME person who swept you off your feet. The good memories will always be there. You'll have your weeks when you miss them and wonder to yourself...."Do You?" (just like the Neyo song) , and when you can care less about a relationship or even that person that hurt you and think of EVERYTHING negative that make them less appealing to you. Just know that heartbreak is all apart of life and growing up. Sucks that you have to endure something like it, but it's necessary. PLEASE don't allow the heartache to have you drinking and smoking up a storm. It's NEVER that deep. Yes, sometimes a drink or two can ease the pain a bit, but you don't want to become an emotional drinker and depend on a substance to get your happy back. Also, I DO NOT support the saying "the way to get over a person is to get under another one". I'm not one to judge HOW you decide to heal, but honestly, that's not the way to go either. Instead of looking for distractions, please, just focus on you!


The person that you're suppose to spend the rest of your life with, won't break your heart...

.....remember that.....

Now...vibe out to the song that sparked this blog...

Good night beautiful people and if no one has told you this today/tonight, you're BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME and AWESOME! Never forget that! :-)